"Desperately Seeking God"

Ok, so the title of this entry is a little corny I know, but it does have a purpose. It has been a long time since my last post. Believe me, I did not intend on spending this much time away. I started this blog in hope's of encouraging others in Christ. AND with the move pending, it helped answer many of the same questions I was getting from friends and family. I have prayed about every word that I have typed...praying that God would inspire me and give me the words to help others. That he would use my vulnerability, transparency and humor ultimately for his purposes. But what happens when the inspiration is not there?

Lately I have felt distant. Distant from the one thing that brought me so much comfort, joy and peace in the beginning of this move. What does one do when "quiet time's" or lack there of, become mundain and uninspiring? Why was I falling asleep during them or finding them to be such a chore? And how, even with the best intentions, could I let a whole day go by without uttering a single word to him? Not even a "thank you for giving me another day of life". I was ashamed and so disappointed in myself. What happened? I was on fire for the Lord...why did that fire just go out? So, I started to ponder this and came to this conclusion. We are human beings and we are born sinners. We put off what we should do today to tomorrow. We often don't want to do what is good for us....like exercise, spend less, eat less, clean more, get organized...whatever it is, you know what I mean. Having a meaningful "quiet time" with God is no different. These are all things that will better us though and spending time with God is the BEST thing we can do for ourselves. I guess what I am getting at is although I may not "feel like it" it isn't always about the feeling. Sometimes it's just about doing. God never said we would experience those mountain top highs daily, just because we are a Christian...on the contrary. However, he does command us to spend time investing in him whether we feel like it or not. And whether we feel like it or not our investment is one that is guaranteed to pay off. What a comfort that is!

This past week I have committed to spending time with God daily. And not just a prayer and a quick devotional but I started a Bible study. One that is causing me to sit down, THINK, read my Bible and LEARN. I have committed to memorizing verses too. One of the questions in my study was "what kind of women do you want to be 10 years from now?" Wow, that question hit me hard and it is ultimately what got me back on track. I want to be a women that knows her Bible, one that can find a verse in seconds because of years of study. I want to sit next to my neighbor who has just lost a loved one and be able to rattle off memorized verses of comfort. I want to be a women who is never ashamed of the gospel or sharing it with anyone. I want to be a women that God has used to bring others to himself. I want to be a women that other women want to be like BECAUSE of Christ in me. I want to be a women that care's less about what she has and more about what she has to give. I want to be a women who can look back on the 10 years prior and be able to say "look at how far WE have come Lord". Wow, wouldn't that be something. So, I will leave you with the same question..."what kind of women do you want to be 10 years from now?"

Oh, one more thing, that "mountain top", "on fire" feeling...it can come back if you are willing to make the investment!